I am stressed,and I am trying to hold it all together.

Life gets more suckey as you get older.
Your sweet innocent bubble of freedom gets popped.
You are left with this dismal reality that is nothing in comparison to what it used to be.
Everything you have been told growing up is a lie.
You will never become the president of the united states.
You will not find a perfect guy.
You will not get into your dream school.
You just wont, those are all just thing we tell kids to try to get them to do something.
To give them hope about what is to come.

The stress level in my life rises everyday.
Bills,
College,
People,
Drama,
Life,
School,
Hormones,
Guys,
Prom,
Etc.....

Those are all things related to the increase in my stress.
Nothing in my life is going the way I want it to.
No one cares about my opinion.
I simply do not matter in my own life.
And yes that makes it stressful,
and so dose the uncertainty of the rest of my life.e

I am confused and I am tired of society and its impossible to achieve norms.

I am confused.
All through school and life you are put on a path to success.
you are told what classes to take to help you, and what activities to do to boost your application.
Then in the matter of two years your whole world changes!
Junior year is the beginning you have SATs and ACTs to complete in order to prove what you know.
Then you apply to colleges and try to sell your self to them.
Then you try your best to do everything you can, get good grades, participate, take challenging classes, and participate in clubs and activities.
Then you wait...
You wait and see if you made the cut, if you were the cream of the crop and if you made the cut.
It is stress full and then you don't get in.
And all i an think is why.
What did I do that was wrong.
What made my two 2 colleges say no?
Why am i not desirable to any college worth attending?
I am at a point of loss and confusion with no where to go.

Quick side bar!

Hey guys!
I recently received a vox box from Influenster! I am so excited! It is a complementary box full of free products they sent to me to review!
I'm just gonna take a quick second to review the Jergens natural glow self tanner!
I received it in dark bronze, this tone is a little dark on my skin given im a fair toned blonde!
But the product its self is great, the smell is not offensive, it is smooth and nice on your skin! I also love how it drys in less than 60 seconds! I totally recommend you check it out!

I am a Senior in High School and a soon to be freshmen in college (hopefully)

Well this is it! My last year of grade school. In 77 days I will be walking the stage and getting my diploma! I am very excited about this. It has always been one of my life goals to finally get a diploma. The high school thing is assure fire gonna happen thing, but as far as college I really dont know right now.

In January I sent out 4 applications to 4 different colleges. I have been denied from 2 of them ( 1 being my #1 choice). I was accepted in to one of them, and as for the 4th one i have a visit on Saturday and have not heard about acceptance/ denial.
so in loo of being denied to two of the four and only getting accepted into one i really do not want to go to, I applied to three more SUNY schools. I have no clue where i will be going to college and if it has to be GCC then I guess GCC is where im going to have to go.

It all really sucks and makes me super stressed about what is to come.

I just wish that i knew what was going to happen, and where i will be going.

I am Eight Teen years old.

This one is an easy one to come to terms with. You simply cannot change your age. You are born when you are born not before and not after.
I was born on July 30, 1996.
I have had eight teen birthdays and hope to have more to come!
My age allows me to make decisions, decisions that can be a determent or a help to my life.
As an immature eight teen year old I have done what most eight teen year old have done.
Smoking is gross DO NOT DO IT!
Scratch offs are a waste of money. being a teenager who pays for her stuff by her self I do not waste my money on those.
Being eight teen allows for more than just making decisions on whether to smoke or gamble or to rent a porta potty If your so inclined!!
It means you no longer need a parental consent at the doctors.
It means you can drive after nine and not need an adult with you!
It means freedom...BUT it also means responsibility and I mean lots!
Taking the responsibility in stride is kinda hard, because at least for me I have the mentality that I am an adult who has it all figured out. But in reality I need guidance and help making decisions that are now mine to make.
Eight teen.
The year you start to become you.
Never before in my life have I had so much on my mind and plate at once!
Eight teen is a temporary part of what makes me who I am.

Who am I?

This question was posed to me in a YouTube video made by Ingrid Nilsen. This question is posed to many people everyday but they look at it like "what you do makes you who you are" but as Ingrid so nicely put it "who you are decides what you do".
That statement hit me and started me on thinking a lot on life and who I am.
So here it goes:
I am eight teen years old.
I am a Senior in High School and a soon to be freshmen in college (hopefully).
I am confused.
I am tired of society and its impossible to achieve norms.
I am stressed.
I am trying to hold it together.
I am upset with what I have been told my entire life and having it not be true.
I am sick of being rejected.
I am not the happy, kind, and loving person I was six months ago.
I am sad.
I am in a state of panic and distress.
I am over High School and all of its drama.
AND
I am trying to make it all better.

In the next short weeks i will be addressing these points of who I am mostly to try and better understand the me I see in the mirror everyday. In doing this I hope to sort out my life and move in the right direction.

Starting Again

Okay so, I have had this blog or almost three years and I really have not used it as a blog as much as a venting port when some of the big dramas in my life struck. I will still be using it to show my opinion but I will try to make it count.