I am stressed,and I am trying to hold it all together.

Life gets more suckey as you get older.
Your sweet innocent bubble of freedom gets popped.
You are left with this dismal reality that is nothing in comparison to what it used to be.
Everything you have been told growing up is a lie.
You will never become the president of the united states.
You will not find a perfect guy.
You will not get into your dream school.
You just wont, those are all just thing we tell kids to try to get them to do something.
To give them hope about what is to come.

The stress level in my life rises everyday.
Bills,
College,
People,
Drama,
Life,
School,
Hormones,
Guys,
Prom,
Etc.....

Those are all things related to the increase in my stress.
Nothing in my life is going the way I want it to.
No one cares about my opinion.
I simply do not matter in my own life.
And yes that makes it stressful,
and so dose the uncertainty of the rest of my life.e

I am confused and I am tired of society and its impossible to achieve norms.

I am confused.
All through school and life you are put on a path to success.
you are told what classes to take to help you, and what activities to do to boost your application.
Then in the matter of two years your whole world changes!
Junior year is the beginning you have SATs and ACTs to complete in order to prove what you know.
Then you apply to colleges and try to sell your self to them.
Then you try your best to do everything you can, get good grades, participate, take challenging classes, and participate in clubs and activities.
Then you wait...
You wait and see if you made the cut, if you were the cream of the crop and if you made the cut.
It is stress full and then you don't get in.
And all i an think is why.
What did I do that was wrong.
What made my two 2 colleges say no?
Why am i not desirable to any college worth attending?
I am at a point of loss and confusion with no where to go.

Quick side bar!

Hey guys!
I recently received a vox box from Influenster! I am so excited! It is a complementary box full of free products they sent to me to review!
I'm just gonna take a quick second to review the Jergens natural glow self tanner!
I received it in dark bronze, this tone is a little dark on my skin given im a fair toned blonde!
But the product its self is great, the smell is not offensive, it is smooth and nice on your skin! I also love how it drys in less than 60 seconds! I totally recommend you check it out!

I am a Senior in High School and a soon to be freshmen in college (hopefully)

Well this is it! My last year of grade school. In 77 days I will be walking the stage and getting my diploma! I am very excited about this. It has always been one of my life goals to finally get a diploma. The high school thing is assure fire gonna happen thing, but as far as college I really dont know right now.

In January I sent out 4 applications to 4 different colleges. I have been denied from 2 of them ( 1 being my #1 choice). I was accepted in to one of them, and as for the 4th one i have a visit on Saturday and have not heard about acceptance/ denial.
so in loo of being denied to two of the four and only getting accepted into one i really do not want to go to, I applied to three more SUNY schools. I have no clue where i will be going to college and if it has to be GCC then I guess GCC is where im going to have to go.

It all really sucks and makes me super stressed about what is to come.

I just wish that i knew what was going to happen, and where i will be going.

I am Eight Teen years old.

This one is an easy one to come to terms with. You simply cannot change your age. You are born when you are born not before and not after.
I was born on July 30, 1996.
I have had eight teen birthdays and hope to have more to come!
My age allows me to make decisions, decisions that can be a determent or a help to my life.
As an immature eight teen year old I have done what most eight teen year old have done.
Smoking is gross DO NOT DO IT!
Scratch offs are a waste of money. being a teenager who pays for her stuff by her self I do not waste my money on those.
Being eight teen allows for more than just making decisions on whether to smoke or gamble or to rent a porta potty If your so inclined!!
It means you no longer need a parental consent at the doctors.
It means you can drive after nine and not need an adult with you!
It means freedom...BUT it also means responsibility and I mean lots!
Taking the responsibility in stride is kinda hard, because at least for me I have the mentality that I am an adult who has it all figured out. But in reality I need guidance and help making decisions that are now mine to make.
Eight teen.
The year you start to become you.
Never before in my life have I had so much on my mind and plate at once!
Eight teen is a temporary part of what makes me who I am.

Who am I?

This question was posed to me in a YouTube video made by Ingrid Nilsen. This question is posed to many people everyday but they look at it like "what you do makes you who you are" but as Ingrid so nicely put it "who you are decides what you do".
That statement hit me and started me on thinking a lot on life and who I am.
So here it goes:
I am eight teen years old.
I am a Senior in High School and a soon to be freshmen in college (hopefully).
I am confused.
I am tired of society and its impossible to achieve norms.
I am stressed.
I am trying to hold it together.
I am upset with what I have been told my entire life and having it not be true.
I am sick of being rejected.
I am not the happy, kind, and loving person I was six months ago.
I am sad.
I am in a state of panic and distress.
I am over High School and all of its drama.
AND
I am trying to make it all better.

In the next short weeks i will be addressing these points of who I am mostly to try and better understand the me I see in the mirror everyday. In doing this I hope to sort out my life and move in the right direction.

Starting Again

Okay so, I have had this blog or almost three years and I really have not used it as a blog as much as a venting port when some of the big dramas in my life struck. I will still be using it to show my opinion but I will try to make it count.

Refer a Friend - Fastweb

Refer a Friend - Fastweb
this is a college scholarship link

Jounior year!

So summer is offically over. It was long and I was gone for 7 weeks of it! And now its back to reaility.
       I started my jounior year of high school last week. It is long and dificault but I am excited about the school year that is aahead of me!
Ill keep you posted on how things continue to go as the year goes on!

People are crazy!

The people i have encountered in my life have been all different kinds of people. They have been old and young, tall and short, but most of all the big difference is sane or crazy.
Let me start off by saying that i have been through allot growing up. Not in a bad way but a way that has made me the person i am today. My parents were the type of people who helped when needed so their were various people who have lived with us growing up. They were mostly "broken" people who needed fixing. My parents were also foster parents who took in teenage girls and also little kids. It wasn't all bad we ended up adopting my little brother through that. But their were some crazy's who influenced me more than the others. their was Rachel who punched the wall and left a hole, she also left a dent in my moms car from punching it. she was incapable of expressing her emotions in a healthy way. but their is a line between fun life loving crazy and the crazy where you punch holes in walls and cut your self and make your self throw up crazy. i have dealt with all of these. But nothing could have prepared me for the crazy in my life now! i haven't had too deal with the delusional crazy before. the ones who make up fantasy worlds and then tell people thats the truth.this is new and it is hard. it is the kind of crazy you can not approach because you could be the one pushing them over the edge. the one who is a problem rather than a solution.
i see it as a test to make me stronger, but it is rely hard to hold on until the end and not let me be the person that i am. the one who flips out and speaks my mind weather or not it is nice. but i will press on towards the prize and go through what god is putting me through and do it with a smile.       

The joys and pains of the wisdom teeth process!

So yesterday I got all four of my wisdom teeth taken out! It was an intresting process. I got to the place and was kinda nervous. Then we got started snd they hsd to do my iv twice. The 1st time in my hand and the 2nd time in my arm crack. But befor they put the 2nd one in the gave me laughing gas. Now this changed my judgement and made me feel like I wasn't getting stabbed with a giant neddel. Then I felt this cold rush in my arm and the room went black! I awoke to the room spining and had to laugh...the doctor yelled at me and said I had to keep my mouth shut and keep the pressure on it. So I get escorted to the car and I'm sitting there with my mom on the way home and can't decide wether or not to cry. I am upset about how cold the ice pack is and am not impressed that it is so cold.
So we finally get home after what has felt like forever and my mom is like you need to wait for your sister to help you get out of the car and I'm like I can do it. So I stand up and feel dizy but can't let my mom know! So I suck it up and walk my self inside. This ends the happy drugged festivites. Now comes the pain of the ordeal :( this is not fun...but I am on some fun drugs called codine and rely strong ibeprofin. The codine makes my head spin and I feel rely dizy and tired but the ibuprofine makes me feel okey. All I can eat is ice cream, pudding, and popciles. I also tryed macroni and cheese but I could not chew it so just sowlloed it! I have done a lot of sleeping and iceing of my chipmunk cheeks and have decided all in all so far this sucks!

Sooooooo

To anyone who read my last post. My parents said no. They will not let me get my cartilage I have to wait untill I am 18. :(

Piercings.

So i want to get my cartilage pierced and I asked my mom,"if I pay for it will you sing the forum that says I can have my cartilage pierced?" he immediate answer was,"no". I was puzzled because usually the answer is ask your father. But this time it was a direct no. So i proceeded to ask why not but got no answer. Then I asked my dad through a text message would he sing the paper. He said why cant your mom. So im caught in a loop hole of the asking both parents the same question. This is helpful at times because they have different opinions. But my parents like to put up the united front. So no matter who I ask I get the same answer. My dad said he cannot answer this over text when he is at work so i must wait till he gets home (he will not be home until after 12 o'clockish) when i will be in bed. So I am stuck waiting until my parents have had an entire night to discus what the answer will be. Talk about bad timing on my part.

I do not see what the big deal is it is my body, and it is not permanent. I will be paying for it in all ways, I will feel the pain and  I will be literally paying for it. I will also be the one who has to deal with the consequences if it gets infected. I do not understand. when i ask to dye my hair of for anything else the answer is ask your father. So i do and we talk and I might get what i want. But this time their is no thought of event discussing the matter. It is a solid no.

So we shall see what becomes of this after i talk with my dad who I don't think personally has a problem with me doing this. Fingers crossed! 

Stupid People.

I hate how people wait untill the adults leave to confront you. The people who I have to relay the information back to just left and a certin someone who lives with me (I don't particulary care for her) just confronted me as soon as my parents walked out of my house. Is she to scared of what my parents will think of her picking a fight? Is her reputation in front of them that important? Stupid people. I mean rely you know I don't like you and will probally say something that you don't like and don't want to hear. So why ask? Why wait till they leave? Why? 

Okey Here I Go!

This Is It......My First Perspective!

Don't you love it when you are fighting with someone and they have the comeback it's not your house? Because it just makes me more mad at the person I am fighting with. I am sixteen and i am still legally my parents child. If i cannot call this my house i should not live here. Yes I do not pay any of the bills but i am SIXTEEN and should not have to, so therefore do not tell me that this is not my house.If it is not somebody house it is not yours. You are the one who my parents let move in here. You are not related to me by blood and you do not get to say this is not my home. A home is where you grow up with your family and have memory's. A home is where your heart is. So therefore this is my Home and the fact that you are protesting me on that matter is complete crap. Also it annoys me how people who are older than you act like they are more mature than you will ever be but start those fights. Um seriously who is more mature now?   

Take one!

My First Take At Blogging!

 So this is going to be where i post my perspective on what happens in my life. It will be all my opinions on what ever it is that has happened. So if you don't like what i have to say don't read it.